


so into you, i can barely breathe

by ginnydear



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Coffee Shops, College, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Spierfeld Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 14:36:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14334585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginnydear/pseuds/ginnydear
Summary: “So, where’s your friend today?” Nick asks, and Simon pointedly doesn’t look up at him.“You’re my friend and you’re right here,” Simon replies, to which Nick laughs.“You know who I’m talking about,” Nick says, low enough that it’s just meant for Simon. Looking up from the book, Simon grabs his coffee cup and brings it to his lips. He stares Nick down as he takes a sip.a 'fake dating' au where simon's oblivious and bram's cute. spierfeld week, day six.





	so into you, i can barely breathe

**Author's Note:**

> i know this is LATE but lord almighty my weekend was busy and i barely had time to write until like, the last minute, as always. plus, i didn't want to do the normal fake dating. so this what what y'all get. 
> 
> shoutout to [CAITLIN](http://ginnyweaslays.tumblr.com) for coming through in the clutch on editing this!!!! 
> 
> title is from into you by ariana grande
> 
> edited 4/27 for minor changes.

Simon’s staring down at his pile of flashcards that never stops getting bigger when the empty cup in front of him disappears and another cup takes its place. He stares at it for a moment before looking up. His favorite barista is smiling down at him.

“Here, on the house,” Bram says quietly, and Simon shakes his head.

“No, I don’t-“

“You’ve been staring at your flashcards with your hands in your hair for at least ten minutes. It has extra caramel,” Bram says with a smile before he turns away and heads back behind the counter. Simon watches him go, a smile forming on his face as he picks up the cup and holds it between his hands. When he looks up from his coffee, Bram gives him a wink. Simon laughs, shaking his head as he goes back to his flashcards.

Psychology makes a little more sense to him after that, but it wasn’t the reason for his hands being in his hair. Bram’s laugh sounds over the espresso machine, and Simon’s brain goes a little fuzzy again. He knows it’s not the best study environment, but he can’t make himself sit somewhere else.

He’s been coming to the coffee shop right off campus since his first day of freshman year, and Bram had started working there the next semester. It’s been a year now, and Simon comes in so often when Bram works (by _accident_ ) that Bram knows his order by heart and gives him pastries for free sometimes.

So Simon’s a little bit in love. His grades aren’t slipping despite the fact that his brain is constantly fuzzy. It’s not too bad.

He’s been trying to convince himself for several weeks to ask Bram for his number. He’s been compiling the evidence that, maybe, Bram isn’t straight, and he’s beginning to think it’s pretty evident that he’s gay. But Simon can’t be sure, and he doesn’t want to put himself out there only to find out Bram’s straight. He doesn’t think of the possibility that Bram is gay, but doesn’t like Simon that way. That makes him feel like crying.

The bells on the front door jingle and Simon’s staring at “anima” trying to conjure up the definition when he hears Bram start talking. He reaches down into his pocket and pulls out his headphones, because he really needs to study these vocabulary words, but he stops as the conversation at the counter floats over to him.

“-if you had any plans this weekend?” the guy at the counter is asking Bram, and Simon’s fingers fumble with untangling his headphone cords. He forces himself to not look up.

“Oh, you know, school work and sleeping,” Bram says politely. The guy hums.

“No chance of asking you out for a bite?”

It’s bolder than Simon could ever be, and he looks up before he can stop himself. The guy’s cute enough, smiling at Bram over the counter, but Bram’s staring down at the coffee cup he’s writing his order on.

“I’m sorry, but I have a boyfriend,” Bram says, smiling at the guy. Simon doesn’t know what the guy says next because his brain is going into overdrive, trying to reconcile multiple pieces of information at once. Bram’s not straight. Bram’s not straight and he has a boyfriend.

Simon plugs his headphones in and puts his saddest playlist on shuffle.

\---

“It’s not fair,” Simon’s whines softly, leaning to the left and laying his head on Abby’s shoulder. She reaches up and pats his cheek, not breaking her concentration on the outline she’s reading.

“I know, Si,” Abby says softly, and it doesn’t sound as pitying as he thought it might. Nick’s looking at him sincerely from across the table, and Leah reaches over to give his hand a gentle squeeze.

“I’m sorry, bud,” Nick offers Simon some of his candy and Simon shakes his head.

“At least he’s gay!” Leah says, and Simon groans.

“No, that makes it worse! If he was straight, I could just work on getting over it because having crushes on straight people is like, a gay cardinal sin. But he’s gay, and untouchable. It’s torture,” Simon says softly, aware of how public their library table is. Nick’s just nodding slowly, looking off into the distance.

“I’ve never seen him with any guy, though,” Nick says, and Simon furrows his brow.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Simon, if he had a boyfriend, you’d think I would’ve seen him at at least one soccer game,” Nick says, but Simon shrugs.

“Everyone’s not as comfortable with coming out as I am,” he says, and Nick points at Simon as he nods.

“That’s true, I hadn’t even thought of that,” he says, and Simon’s not surprised. He loves Nick, but it’s hard dealing with his straight guy mind all the time. At least he’s gotten better at talking about Simon’s crushes.

“Are you going to keep going to that coffee shop?” Leah asks, and Simon scoffs as he nods.

“Of course, they know my coffee order by heart. If I left now, they’d probably try to find me.”

\---

Simon doesn’t have a single class before 10am, so he goes into the coffee shop most mornings around 7:30 and finds a table. He’s been studying at the coffee shop for so long that he has a hard time studying anywhere else. He’s tried switching up his schedule and studying at night, but the coffee shop has a different feeling then, and it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Bram’s not there at night.

He’s bleary eyed when he walks in on Monday, having spent most of the weekend back home with his family. It’s a long car ride back and he definitely shouldn’t have driven it, but driving back Monday morning wasn’t in his plans.

“Morning, sunshine.”

Simon smiles as he walks up to the counter, Bram smiling at him. He’s reaching for a cup already, writing down Simon’s order.

“How are you so cheery?” Simon asks, and Bram shrugs as he sets down the cup in the order queue.

“Routine. It’s easy to be this personable when you’re always up at 5am,” he jokes, and Simon’s eyes bug out of his head for a moment.

“Yikes,” is all he says, and Bram chuckles softly. He takes the cash Simon hands him and Simon drops the change into the tip jar. He moves out of line and heads over to his favorite table, blessedly empty. It’s the only table that’s wholly in the front window, and there’s a vent above the one seat that pushes out heat. Simon sits down and opens his backpack, pulling out his laptop and getting everything set up.

He’s untangling his headphones when a cup drops into his view, and Simon already knows who’s going to be standing there when he looks up. And then a plate with a chocolate croissant drops next to the cup, and he smiles up at Bram.

“Have I ever told you that you’re my favorite?” Simon says, his brain to mouth filter all but destroyed by his lack of sleep. He’s pretty sure he imagines the sparkle in Bram’s eyes.

“No, but it’s good to know,” he says, reaching over to touch Simon’s shoulder for a moment before he moves away. Warmth spreads through Simon’s body from where Bram’s hand had touched him, and he forces himself not to smile.

Simon plugs in his headphones and untangles them slowly. The morning crowd is hit or miss on Mondays, and today’s relatively slow. Simon has a chapter of a book to read for his English class that he’d meant to read some time on Saturday, but his mom had other plans. He pulls the book from his backpack and leans back in the chair, bringing his knee up to his chest as he gets comfortable.

He keeps his notebook open and pen in hand as he starts to read where he left off in the _Odyssey_. He’s been attempting to keep detailed notes as he goes, because there’s just so much he doesn’t get until he goes back later and puts everything together. Abby’s been helping him, since they’re in the same class, but he still pushes himself to read the book in its entirety. It’s a classic, he rationalizes, even though his brain is melting.

He takes a sip of his coffee and affection courses through his body. There’s the perfect amount of caramel, and when he glances up at the counter, Bram’s focused on making someone’s drink and Simon has to mentally kick himself. _It’s just a cup of coffee,_ he reminds himself.

He holds the cup in one hand and the book in the other as he continues to read, unaware of the world around him. He misses the moment Nick walks in and eventually heads over to where Simon’s sitting. He looks up when he feels someone near him and shakes his head at Nick’s sudden presence.

“What are you doing here?” Simon asks as he puts his cup down and pulls out a headphone. Nick sits down across from him and pulls out a few notebooks and a pen.

“I needed to last minute cram for my math test at eleven, and I also need coffee,” Nick says, looking exhausted. Simon knows the feeling. Nick stands up when his name is called, and Simon smiles as Beth, the older woman who talks about her grandkids often, asks Nick how his studies are going.

“So, where’s your friend today?” Nick asks, and Simon pointedly doesn’t look up at him.

“You’re my friend and you’re right here,” Simon replies, to which Nick laughs.

“You know who I’m talking about,” Nick says, low enough that it’s just meant for Simon. Looking up from the book, Simon grabs his coffee cup and brings it to his lips. He stares Nick down as he takes a sip.

“I think he’s in the back,” Simon says quietly, shrugging as if he hadn’t noticed the moment Bram went into the back of the store, out of sight.

“Shame,” Nick says, though it hardly sounds patronizing. He pulls out a math book and sighs heavily as he settles in.

\---

Simon’s walking into his English lecture when he finds it. His professor has a strict no drink policy, so he quickly downs the rest of his coffee before entering the lecture hall. The hot sleeve slips a bit, and there, hidden from him all morning and in familiar writing, is a phone number. The signature is just a ‘B’.

He takes a quick picture of the number, and smashes the cup before he throws it away in the recycling.

\---

Simon doesn’t look at the number again until later, when he’s hiding alone in the corner of the library, his books propped up around him. This moment feels too consequential for random strangers to see him during.

He jumps when someone walks around the corner, but smiles when he sees that it’s Leah and Abby. He’d sent them a text after he’d left his last class and they’d agreed to meet him in the library as soon as they could. And they’re right on time, because Simon’s about to spiral.

“What’s going on, Si?” Leah asks, sitting right next to him. He realizes he must look a little worrisome, his hair a mess and his eyes set deep from lack of sleep. He sighs and shows her the picture. Abby looks over Leah’s shoulder, and together they look at him slowly.

“Is this from your coffee cup this morning?” Leah asks, and Simon nods.

“That you got… from…” Abby trails off, looking at Leah again.

“This is Bram’s number,” Leah says softly, and Simon nods.

“I’m assuming, unless Beth wants to talk about knitting again,” Simon tries to joke, but Abby’s looking at him like she wants to hit him.

“Again?” Leah asks, and Simon waves them off.

“If you aren’t going to be helpful,” he starts, but they’re both shaking their heads and looking at him in excitement.

“Are you really going to text him?” Abby asks, and Simon shrugs.

“I don’t know. He has a boyfriend. It feels weird,” Simon says quietly, looking down at his phone, and his face must be extremely sad because Abby and Leah move to hug him immediately.

“You could just act like you never saw it,” Abby ruffles his hair, “at least for now. See if he says anything.”

Simon nods. It’s better than anything he’d thought of.

\---

Simon stays home the next day, because he needs to clean and catch up on some sleep. He hauls his laundry to the laundry room downstairs and reads while the loads run. No one bothers him, and he sinks into the quiet of the day. By the time he’s back upstairs, putting his clothes away, he’s completely forgotten about the number on his coffee cup.

_Nick: hey dude, you okay?_

Simon stares at the text for a moment before sending back a string of question marks. The little bubble pops up almost instantly.

_Nick: Bram asked, said you didn’t get coffee this morning. you feeling sick?_

Simon nearly bangs his head against a wall.

\---

He decides to act like he never saw the number, and it’s with a faked confidence that he walks into the coffee shop the next morning at 7:30, surprised to see how empty it is. He walks right up to the counter, smiling at Beth.

“We missed you yesterday, dear,” Beth says and she rings up Simon’s order. She knows it by heart, just like Bram. He looks over and sees that Bram’s on the bar, and he’s smiling at Simon. It’s all a little much so Simon looks back at Beth and smiles.

“I had a lot of laundry to do. It might look like I only wear one hoodie, but it’s in fact several hoodies, all the same color, that I rotate,” he jokes, and he’s rewarded with the softest giggle from Bram that makes his knees feel a little weak. Beth chuckles and takes his cash, and as always, he puts the change in the tip jar.

He picks a different seat today, off to the side that’s tucked away out of the main seating area. He doesn’t usually sit there because it means he can’t see the counter, but today he needs to be focused, and he needs to not think about the number on his coffee cup.

He’s opening his laptop when Bram walks over, placing a coffee cup down on Simon’s table.

“You’re so nice, making it so I don’t have to get up,” Simon teases, and Bram smiles at him.

“Can I sit?” Bram asks, and Simon narrows his gaze.

“On the clock?”

“It’s my break, and this is usually where we all hide out on our break if it’s empty,” Bram says, and Simon gestures to the chair. Bram sits down and pulls his phone out, relaxing back into the chair. Simon realizes at that moment that they haven’t actually spent much time together outside of this very coffee shop, besides the occasional soccer related event Simon’s dragged along to because of Nick.

“Are you actually understanding the _Odyssey_ or is it going over your head too?” Bram asks, and Simon sighs heavily as he places the book down.

“I have to read each part like, twice,” Simon confesses as Bram chuckles. “I was going to read some this weekend when I was home and I’m glad I didn’t because I wouldn’t have been able to drive home, my brain would’ve been fried.”

Bram laughs at that, hard, and Simon feels his insides liquefy.

“Being home is enough of a brain suck,” Bram says as he calms down, and Simon nods.

“Did you do anything fun this weekend? Any cute dates?” Simon asks, wishing his brain to mouth filter was working. Bram’s eyebrows twitch slightly, and he grips his phone.

“Nothing like that, just work and soccer drills. I helped Garrett move a couch,” Bram shrugs, laughing to himself. Simon leans forward on his elbows and holds his coffee cup between his hands.

“Garrett’s the tall blond one, right?” he asks, and Bram nods.

“The really annoying one that’s constantly trying to make everyone laugh, yeah,” Bram says, and Simon laughs.

“He once tried to convince me that there was a basement in the psychology building and that’s where you went during a tornado,” Simon laughs, and Bram covers his face with his hands, his shoulders shaking.

“Like I said, really annoying,” Bram says as he picks up his phone and looks at it, typing something out quickly before he puts it back down. His attention moves back to Simon again, and Simon’s pretty sure his cheeks are tinted pink in the low light of the corner they’re in.

“Have I ever told you,” Simon starts after a beat of silence, “that you’re the only one here who makes my coffee perfectly?”

Bram ducks his head as he leans forward, and now they’re close enough to touch and Simon wants to spontaneously combust. Bram’s smiling at him like he’s just received the best news of his life, his eyes crinkling slightly.

“You haven’t, and I’m glad,” Bram says quietly, and Simon’s vaguely aware that they’re probably flirting in some weird way, but he’s too focused on how Bram rests his chin on his hands.

“You gotta watch out though, because I think Beth’s learned,” Simon jokes, and Bram rolls his eyes dramatically, sticking out his tongue.

“Ah, but you said I’m your favorite,” Bram says gently, like the space around them could burst at any moment. Simon tries to control the way his mouth curves up in a smile.

“You’re right, I did.” he takes a sip of his coffee, pointedly not breaking eye contact with Bram. He puts his coffee cup back down and almost misses the way Bram’s throat moves as he swallows.

Bram’s phone buzzes on the table, and Simon can see that it’s a timer. He dampens down the feeling of loss as Bram turns off the timer and looks at him.

“I gotta go back before Beth throws a towel at me,” Bram says, the bubble around them breaking and the noises of the shop swelling in Simon’s ears. He smiles, knows it’s tight, and nods.

“She would never throw a towel at you,” he says, and Bram raises an eyebrow.

“You don’t know Beth,” Bram replies, picking up Simon’s empty coffee cup and walking away. Simon watches him as he slips his apron back over his head and slides back behind the counter. Simon can’t see him from where he’s sitting, so he takes a deep breath and goes back to his flashcards.

Not but two minutes later, Beth walks over and places a coffee cup on his table, winking at him.

“Looks like you’re someone’s favorite,” she says, ruffling his hair, and Simon grips the cup gingerly between his hands.

“Thanks, Beth. And… tell Bram thanks too,” he says, and she just nods as she walks back behind the counter.

\---

Simon’s washing his hands in the bathroom when he hears them talking.

“You never let me set you up with anyone! Honestly, Bram, you’re going to be single forever at this point,” it’s one of the younger girls, Emily, and Simon’s suddenly very glad she talks so loudly.

“I’m fine, jeez Emily,” Bram says, and it sounds like they’re in the hallway, which makes sense since that’s where the main office is.

“I thought you were dating that blond kid?” someone says, and Simon’s insides twist.

“Garrett? He’s my best friend,” Bram replies, but someone’s tutting.

“No, the guy that comes in here every day.”

“Simon?” Bram asks, and Simon can’t tell what emotion is in his voice.

“Honey, I thought for sure he was your boyfriend,” Beth’s joined the conversation now, and Simon’s head is spinning.

“No, he’s not – I mean, I’m not dating Simon. I’m not dating anyone, and it’s fine,” Bram says, his voice sounding choked, and Simon gets that. It’s hard enough being gay, but it’s worse when people try to get involved in it.

“Simon’s a sweetheart, you should ask him out,” Beth says, and Bram makes a cut off noise. The hallway goes quiet, and Simon hears footsteps heading back into the main part of the shop. Waiting a few breaths, Simon opens the door to find that the hallway is empty.

He makes his way back to his table in the corner, slinking down into the chair. He can hear Emily and Bram talking behind the counter, and Beth’s out busing tables, and he wishes he could escape the shop without any of them noticing.

He looks at his coffee cup and a thought hits him. Reaching up, his hands shaking slightly, he pushes down the hot sleeve. There, just like before, is a number, and the simple signature of ‘B’.

“Oh,” Simon says quietly, looking up. Beth’s smiling at him, and he feels hot under the collar. He smiles back despite himself, and she goes back to cleaning.

Simon pulls out his phone and opens the group chat he has with Leah, Abby, and Nick.

_Simon: okay so he’s definitely single and the number thing wasn’t a one off and i’m sitting here freaking out because i’m going to do it, i’m going to text him_

He leaves that chat and opens a new one, carefully typing in the numbers. He knows that everyone checks their phone behind the counter, because the security cameras only cover the patrons and the owner is lax. His fingers are shaking as they hover over the keyboard, doubting his half-cocked plan. Finally, after a few moments of thinking, he comes up with a sentence.

_Simon: so, i’m your favorite, huh?_

He hits send, realizing the second it does that he didn’t even attach his name, and it’s presumptuous of him and about a million other faults in his plan. Leah and Nick are texting him like crazy, his phone spazzing out in his hands, and he puts it on do not disturb before placing it face down on the table.

He picks up the _Odyssey_ again and tries to read from where he left off, only another hour or so until his first class. He’s been rereading one part for the better part of thirty minutes, and he’d hoped a trip to the bathroom would be the short break his brain had needed.

He tries reading for a few minutes before giving up and looking at his phone. He opens it and holds his breath as he stares at the only new message he cares about.

_of course you are. thought that was pretty obvious :)_

Simon looks up, but he can’t see any of the employees. He bites his bottom lip before replying.

_Simon: i should’ve warned you, i’m fairly oblivious_

The dots appear instantly, and Simon’s heart is in his throat.

_well, in that case; Simon, you’re my favorite and if you have no plans after 11, i’d love to take you to lunch_

Simon looks up and he smiles when he sees Bram looking at him from the little piece of the counter Simon can see. He doesn’t say anything, just nods. Bram smiles at him in return.

\---

Simon’s all packed up and playing on his phone when Bram slips into the seat across from him, that same smile from earlier still on his face. Simon’s been working on keeping his anxiety in check for the past hour and a half, and so far it’s been mildly successful. When he looks up at Bram, he’s simultaneously completely calm and absolutely fucking terrified.

“I thought you had a boyfriend,” Simon gets out after they’ve stared at each other for a moment, and Bram looks at him in confusion.

“Why did you think that?” he asks, and Simon sighs heavily.

“I heard you tell some guy that asked you out, like two weeks ago,” Simon says, and Bram shakes his head as he laughs softly. He reaches across the table, his hands shaking slightly, and takes Simon’s hands in his. Simon almost misses the fact that Bram’s speaking to him, his entire body is focused on the warm skin of Bram’s hands.

“I said that because I didn’t want to go out with that guy, and I wanted to let him down easy,” Bram says softly, his thumbs moving over Simon’s skin in gentle sweeping motions. Simon forces his brain to comprehend what Bram’s saying.

“Oh.” is all he can manage to say, and Bram’s smiling at him in that way that makes Simon’s insides warm.

“Yeah, I’ve only ever wanted to go out with this one guy, but apparently he’s a little oblivious.”

Simon turns his hands over in Bram’s and links their fingers together, squeezing softly. They aren’t shaking anymore, and the tense line of his shoulders has softened.

“Well, you’re in luck, because I kinda want to go out with you too,” Simon says, braver than he’s ever been in his entire gay life. His breath hitches in his throat but then Bram’s leaning forward slightly, smiling at him so wide it’s like looking at the sun.

“Can I kiss you?” Bram says, just barely a whisper, and Simon laughs the tightness in his chest away.

“Please,” Simon says, and then Bram’s leaning across the table, letting go of Simon’s hands to cup his face, kissing him softly.

**Two Months Later.**

Simon has an in class essay on the _Odyssey_ at 10 and he only gets one page of quotes and notes, so he sets up at the table in the corner and gets to work before his coffee’s even done being made. The shops mostly empty this morning, and he was surprised to see Emily on shift so early.

He changes the song as he starts looking through his notes for quotes he knows he wants to have handy, his pen tapping on the table. He’s beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed when a cup floats into his line of vision, followed by a chocolate croissant, and then a familiar hand. The hand touches his chin, and he pulls one of his headphones out of his ears as Bram pulls his chin up so Simon’s looking at him.

“Eat before you start,” he says softly, his thumb sweeping across Simon’s cheek. Simon smiles at him, leaning into his touch.

“How do you keep getting away with giving me free pastries?”

“They aren’t free, I pay for all of them,” Bram says, and Simon balks at him for a moment.

“Babe, you can’t keep doing that,” he says, and Bram shrugs. He looks back over his shoulder before smiling down at Simon.

“I’ll keep doing it, because I love you,” he says softly, bending down to kiss Simon’s slightly parted lips. Simon reaches up and tugs on his apron a little, keeping him in place for a moment longer.

“Okay,” Simon says when they break apart, and Bram chuckles a bit. Simon nudges him with his shoulder.

“We’re still studying later, right?” Bram asks, and Simon nods.

“Five o’clock, wouldn’t miss it,” Simon replies, pulling on Bram’s apron enough that he bends down and Simon can kiss him again. Rationally, he knows it’s only been about two hours since he had soft morning kisses from his boyfriend, but being rational isn’t something he wants to be today.

“I gotta get back to work babe,” Bram says, and Simon whines a little. He pouts and Bram kisses the top of his head.

“My break’s coming up in like, less than an hour. I’ll come sit next to you and we can make out at my place of work as much as you want,” Bram promises, and Simon beams up at him.

“I love you. You know you’re my favorite, right?” Simon says, and Bram grins at him.

“I know, babe. You’re my favorite too." 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr](http://emilyspier.tumblr.com)


End file.
